12 Ways to Reduce Stress
From the anatomy of a panic attack to a calm and peaceful life.
Something is happening inside my body. My adrenal glands are mustering an army of chemicals. A torrent of adrenaline is cascading into my bloodstream. My heart is racing, my lungs pumping. As I breathe out, I jettison more air than I take in. Swooning as blood is rerouted from my head to my viscera. Legs are shaking, the capillaries in my face dilate, flushing hot, pins and needles accost my hands. The room shrinks, objects lose their shapes, shapes lose their contours, even colour disappears. My sense of self was blown away.
I had my first panic attack when I was fourteen; it was twelve years later, while I sat trying to meditate in a Buddhist Monastery in the heart of the English countryside I discovered why: As I observed the breath — this flighty unstable thing — I realised at some point in the backward abyss of the past I’d forgotten how to breathe. I’ve been on a journey ever since to remember once again.
If you have or have had mental health problems regulating yourself isn’t easy; in fact it’s downright difficult. Nevertheless, if you are able to recover your resiliency and manage stress, your life will be calm and centred. This is what inner-healing is all about
1/ Watch the breath
In Buddhism this is called anapanasati. You can calm the body by anchoring your mind to the breath. Watch the breath, investigate its qualities, use it as the object of contemplation in order to calm down.
Count the inbreath as “one” or substitute “one” with a word like “peace.” Now count the out-breath as “two” or a substitute word like “calm.” Inhale and exhale, one, two, peace, calm, then keep going. At first it may appear like you’re breath is tense, shallow even panicky; stay with it – it’ll calm down. Don’t force your breath to be something it’s not. Just let it be natural. The breath works on it’s own accord. By watching and observing , it naturally becomes smooth. When your breath becomes smooth, your body relaxes, when your body relaxes, your thoughts become less frenzied. It’s here you discover a state of calm you perhaps never knew existed.
It’s like taking the plug out of a washing machine. Before the thoughts were getting hurled about, now the cycle has finished, the thoughts lie dormant. The water’s calm and peaceful.
2/ Encourage mindfulness in daily life
Mindfulness is now the buzzword of the 21st century, but this five thousand year old practise can change your life. It is your greatest weapon against unstable thoughts, feelings and behaviours: Stop, Take a step back, and Observe what’s happening.
Whether you are sitting at a desk at work, or lying awake in bed unable to sleep, observe it. Know what it is that you are doing at all times. Sitting, standing, walking, or lying down, whatever you’re doing do it mindfully. In Buddhism they call mindfulness in daily life Sati Sampajañña – it means recollective awareness; because awareness is not enough. It has to be combined with wisdom. Be aware, but also know what you’re aware of.
If you have mindfulness in daily life, your life is much more peaceful, because you are alive to the present moment. No longer lost in the past or future, neither deluded by attachment or aversion, you’re awake to life here and now.
3/ Identify Emotions
Scientists call the inability to identify and describe emotions accurately Alexithymia, and it’s by no means uncommon. Nevertheless, it’s something that is a particular problem in those with certain mental health problems. If we are unable to name and describe our feelings, we soon end up in chaos. So practise recognition.
If you are experiencing extreme stress, you may have trouble identifying emotions. You may tend to embody what you are feelings, becoming anger, anxiety, shame, guilt, sadness or disgust. If you’re asked how you feel you may resort to metaphor or simile: I feel like I’m drowning. I’m burning inside. These are creative ways to express ourselves, but sometimes lead us further into a maze of confusion. To identify emotions accurately, we need to stick to facts. When you are feeling an emotion, get in the habit of saying: It’s like this. Anger is like this, sadness is like this, fear is like this. Allow yourself to experience what emotions feel like viscerally in body, mind and heart.
Sometimes a primary emotion, creates a secondary emotion. Anger leads to guilt, sadness leads to anger. Take note. Describe the various emotions, grade them in intensity, note how long they last, and ask what are they trying to make me do. Emotions are impermanent, unsatisfactory and ownerless. You are more than an emotion.
4/ Accept and commit
In life you have to manage your expectations of change with the reality of how things are. If we accept the situation today, we can commit to making it better tomorrow.
Accepting ourselves, is difficult: Perhaps things have gone wrong in your life: You’ve made bad choices, or people have hurt you changing your life forever. Accept everything, non-judgementally, one-mindfully, and completely. Then, commit to making the best of the hand you’re dealt.
Be patient with what you have to suffer: If you cannot change reality, you can still change your attitude. Victor Frankl, the holocaust survivor and acclaimed author of Man’s Search for Meaning once said “he who has a why to live, can bear almost any how.” Understand that your pain is just a single tear drop in a wide sea of suffering and that you share your suffering with every living creature. If you burn, give light to others. If you suffer, try to be a wounded healer. Create meaning from what’s happened to you and continually choose life.
5/ Be kind
Being compassionate to others is more simple, but can you be compassionate towards yourself? To your own averse mental states? If you want to find peace and tranquility, then paradoxically you must allow yourself to experience pain, and admit suffering into consciousness.
Greet destructive emotions with loving-kindness. They are, after all, unwanted visitors arriving in your house – malicious vandals, dangerous thugs, or just confused wayfarers – invite them in give them a cup of tea. Listen to what they have to say. Don’t bar the door in fear or trepidation, they’ll knock it down. Don’t arm yourself with weaponry, because they’ll disarm you quick enough. Just be kind and humble: Destructive emotions are after all, the exiled children of your own frightened mind. The habit energy of past experiences. If you can’t love yourself how can you love others? No matter what you’ve done in your life, no matter how you feel each day, always be kind, because this is the path to true healing.
6/ Take care of physical illness
When we are stressed we tend to become unwell. If we are unwell we tend to get stressed. The two work to each other’s detriment. Nevertheless, if your body falls sick, then try to make it better. Visit your local doctor, take prescribed medicine, give yourself plenty of rest. Seek out and clarify what’s wrong: What’s the diagnosis, what caused it, how can it be treated, when will it go away.
Treating physical illness creates a sense of agency which will leads to self-mastery. Be your own doctor where possible, and where not, seek medical help. If you suffer from a long term condition or disability, then don’t let yourself be completely debilitated by it. Do what you can each day, but don’t get overwhelmed. Don’t. try to “cure” yourself by positive thoughts, or think your way to health and happiness. Recognise and accept the limitations, and treat yourself with care.
The body gets sick, but the mind can stay healthy. If you get shot by the arrow of physical illness, you can still avoid the second arrow which brings mental suffering. Treat the first wound, and dodge the second.
7/ Relax
We live in a society which negates the idea of relaxation, however, introducing a bit of tranquility into life works wonders. If you’ve had a hard day working at an office, or conversely sitting at home doing nothing, then take time out to relax. Go for a walk, watch a film, read a book, have a mindful cup of tea.
Chances are, even when you think you’re doing nothing, you’re actually too busy. Why? Because, your mind’s on a treadmill, your thoughts are running round in circles. Defuse the stress – let go, be peaceful. Recognise there’s no place to go, nowhere to be. Everything is ok right now in this present moment.
All tasks can be set aside if only for an hour. If you have a family or are in a relationship, make it clear to your partner and children that you need to rest. If you have no one, make it clear to yourself you need to rest. If you’re an empty cup, how are you going to fill the cups of others? Replenish your own mental health, before helping others. Even if you can’t escape responsibility, then adopt a peaceful approach. If it has to be done, do it with a sense of tranquility, without aversion or anger. This way produces long term results.
8/ Arrange the furniture
A cluttered house is a cluttered mind. If you tidy your room, your mind also becomes tidy. When you’re stressed your room is likely to be a reflection of your mind. It will either be messy, or spotless. Neither approach is completely healthy: seek a middle way, dust if you must but then relax. There’s a fine line between chaos and order, if it’s good enough then it’s perfect.
You can also consider creating a safe-space to cultivate tranquility. Create a quiet corner in your house, where you can be completely at ease. Think of it as a little temple, or cubby-hole where you can free. Don’t let any stress intrude on this space, keep it sacred.
9/ Reach out to a friend
If you don’t call them, then they might not call you. Sometimes if we are stressed we don’t want to talk to anyone: Perhaps we think no one will listen to us, or we’ll bore or depress the other person. We may think they won’t understand but actually we don’t always need understanding we just need someone to listen to us and be present.
If you have friends call one of them, arrange to meet for a cup of tea. If you are feeling isolated and alone, then call one of the freephone numbers and talk through your troubles. There’s always someone listening.
When you’re feeling a bit better, find a support group to build a support circle. Don’t be cut adrift, and if you are cut adrift don’t let yourself drown. Grab the helping hand, whenever you see it.
10/ Be quiet
Introduce some silence in to your life. In silence you may feel depressed even empty, but you’ll be creating the foundation stones for peace and tranquility.
In the silence you’ll see how noisy your mind really is! You’ll be able to see more clearly what triggers you. What your weaknesses are and how to be strong. Go outside stand in a noisy place, notice how uncomfortable that is. Go into a quiet place, and see how better you feel. Quietness leads to calmness.
See what happens when you talk to others: Are there words which upset you, and if so why? Are words fused with emotions? Are emotions fused to memories? In daily life examine the toxins which are hurting you. Have you watched the news? Argued with a friend? Have you invalidated yourself with your own negative thoughts? If so don’t despair, recognise the effects of the environment then find healing. Know the difference between talking, listening and being quiet. The mind’s full of noise, so’s the world, introduce some silence.
11/ Have fun
Don’t feel guilty about it. Some pursuits are relaxing: Watching a film or having a cup of tea are peaceful activities. Conversely, going to the cinema or rock concert are more stimulating. Whether you’re on your own or in company there are various ways to distract yourself from the stresses and strains of life. While relaxation is designed to defuse your mind and body, having fun is the perfect distraction from the real world problems you have to face.
There’s nothing wrong with distraction – sometimes the stress is so intense, looking away is the only option we have left. So look away for a while. Have some fun. Perhaps you think you don’t deserve it, or that if you have fun it’s not worth it because it won’t last. On the contrary why shouldn’t you have some fun in life? You’ll find the positive emotions remain long after the positive event has finished.
Each fun activity in fact is watering the seeds of future happiness. This is a vital way to create momentum in moving forward. Where are you going? Toward recovery. Sometimes its the accumulation of good experiences which lead us to remission, so by all means, go play some video games.
12/ Address your problems
Be your own healer, embrace what’s happening, then get to problem-solving. You might be able to change the situation. If you can’t change the situation you can change your reaction to it. If you can’t change your reaction to it, you can at least accept it. Don’t stay miserable, proactively find a way to deal with issues that arise.
Don’t leave it too late. Don’t be the exploding gas cooker. If you have problems at work, at home, with relationships, or with yourself, recognise them. See what the problem is: Hold it out in front of you, examine it carefully. What does it look like? Describe it accurately, and from all angles. Look at how it’s making you feel, observe what will happen if you ignore it, and also what will happen if you try to fix it now. Once you’ve got to grips with it, try to solve it — if it’s currently unsolvable the solution may be to let it go.
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Stress can be devastatingly dangerous if you already have mental health problems. However, these are 12 tips to introduce some calm.
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