Burying Monsters: Surviving Paranoia in Borderline Personality Disorder

If you have BPD everything feels like a threat. In order to bury monsters, you must first bring the inner child to the surface.

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For those of us with Borderline Personality Disorder, we will all be familiar with the feeling of being out of control. One of the reasons emotions feel so bad, is that we are unable to conjure a Soothing Introject in times of distress. In other words, we can’t create in our minds the image of someone who loves us, and are therefore unable to create the feeling of love even for ourselves.

It happens unconsciously: When feelings of fear or distress become overwhelming we create a ‘Malevolent Other’ to help us understand the situation. Usually it will be a symbol from childhood, that by transference we place on someone we know such as a friend or partner: They suddenly become an enemy. It may appear as if they are out to get us.

One of the first principles of recovering from trauma is establishing safety. Usually that means creating distance from others, so the body and mind has a chance to heal. When we’ve done this, symptoms will go into remission. It’s now time to to create new symbols. We can all get in touch with the inner child, and regain that sense of spontaneity and freedom we had in youth.

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Freelance journalist writing on mental health and disability. Words have the power to shine a light on realities otherwise missed.

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